Skkra recommends… strip clubs!
I really don’t know how I’ve gone this long without recommending strip clubs. They’re part of the degen trinity: drinking, gambling, and strippers. If you’re a real crumb of a human being – and I mean that as a compliment – then you’re damn sure that you love those three things. They also go incredibly well together! You drink while you gamble, then spend your winnings on strippers. But I digress.
These lovely ladies and gentlemen do a great service. They offer eye candy, captivating conversation, and all the fun of getting a drink with someone random and new without any of the friendship! Now, admittedly, most times you meet a stranger at the bar and strike up a conversation, they aren’t also constantly asking you for money (though to be fair, it depends on what bar you’re in). Then again, the best ones rarely ask you for money. If they’re awesome enough, you’ll just end up giving it to them.
And while you’re there, kids, be sure to tip well. Whether these strippers are paying their way through school, have bills and children at home, or simply need some extra cash to support a debilitating drug habit, they’re not working for free.
Skkra recommends… persistence!
Well, last year didn’t quite pan out. Despite a nearly 10 month run, I failed you, my loyal audience, and didn’t finish strong in 2016. But it’s a new year, and that means a new chance to prove Thomas wrong.*
So how do we start this year? Well, with persistence, of course! My boss always says that you learn far more from your failures than your successes, and I’ve found that to be quite true in all aspects of life. As 2017 rolls around, I’m rededicating myself to the cause. I’ll be sure to make a post every day, as I generally have since 2001.
*in case anyone was wondering, yes, I am actually going to pay up the $100 I bet Thomas. My wife wrote him a check on 12/31/2015, because she (and many others) assumed that ol’ Empty Promises couldn’t keep up with a post a day. Well, until September, they were wrong. This year, they’ll all be wrong, by gum. But I’m nothing if not a man of my word, so Thomas will indeed receive his payout. There is also a new standing $100 bet for 2017.
Skkra recommends… Monday Night Football!
Well, after a brief hiatus, it’s time to get back to what I do best: give you godlike recommendations.
It’s football season, and MNF football is back. Tonight is a toilet bowl contest between the shitty New Orleans Saints and the terrible Atlanta Falcons. Who did I put money on? Well, not the winning team, I’ll say that. Do I want to kill everyone in Atlanta. Yeah, maybe I do.
The important part is, it’s football season, and you should be watching football. The presidental debates are on, but seriously, “undecided voters?” If you can’t figure out who your horse is in the shittiest presidental lineup in United States history?… well, you’re full of shit. You already know you’re voting for. Why not enjoy your goddamn life instead, and watch some football?
Skkra recommends… wearing black!
I wear a lot of black. I think it’s actually become my favorite color now. There is something great about it’s simplicity, and the way that literally every color except for brown basically pairs with it without problem.
I started wearing a lot of black a few years ago, and as time has gone on, I wear it more and more. Black pants are the easiest thing to wear to the office, since like I mentioned, you can simply grab any shirt in your closet, throw it on, and know that you match. Want to wear even more black? It ALL looks good, it turns out. I have a fully black outfit I wear – shoes, pants, shirt and belt – and it looks so clean. Hell, even my wedding ring is black!
Maybe it’s just because I’m a very easygoing guy who hates being hassled, but I find the ease of wearing black very relaxing.
Skkra recommends… Eye Checkups!
Yeah, that’s right. I’m telling you how to manage your health now, too. Stay tuned for skkrahealthcare.org in the future.
Seriously though, your eyes are something that you probably take for granted. You never give them much thought until there’s a problem. I have had lifelong eye issues with one of my eyes, to the point where I’m more or less blind in one. And let me tell you, you don’t ever start worrying about your eyes until you only have one. I’m only in my 30s, and I already blew my spare. I even started wearing glasses instead of contacts, just to try and give my one good eyeball a little bit more protection, in case something might poke my eye.
So take it from someone who only HAS one eye left – if you haven’t gone and gotten an eye health checkup in a while, you should really make the time to do it. Who knows, they might just catch something early and be able to give you preventative care. I’d hate to have anyone else end up like me if you can prevent it.
Just a PSA from your friendly neighborhood Skkra.